& the feeling never really disappears
12:45 PM | Sunday, June 3, 2007
& the feeling never really fades away
Was on the way home in my Mom's car when we passed by that stretch of road. Yeah it's that familiar road I will never fail to go pass everyday but it just happened to hit me that- that was the road which ended everything. It was the place which took him away from all of us; it was the place which showed me what death really is. You know, when you're a little kid, you never think that you'll die, or that anyone around you will. I mean, death is just some obscure, esoteric thing that you see on TV or read about in a book. Then one day you realise what it really is. Then nothing is ever the same again. From that day on, you're fucked. Passing that road was not an easy thing, especially with my mom in the car. Both of us knew what happened there, that exact spot. And it just hurts that, as much as you want to, you can't bring a person back. That you have to live a life without him, its hard, and I'm still having difficulties accepting it. Everyone is.
So, that feeling came and went, so fast yet so hard. Well it was rapid, but it indeed made a grand appearance. Cause both our eyes were swelling with fat salty tears after my mom managed to speed past the road, to the next junction. It's surprsing how the tiniest and simplest thing could actually trigger people to tears. It's a tiring process especially when things keep appearing uncontrollaby. And people break down most of the time because they couldn't be bothered battling with their minds anymore. It's far stronger than their bodies.
Well he' gone and yet he has been here all along. There will be days like this when emotions take control and I'll feel completely wrecked, again. But I'll learn to look past all these, at least I'll try my best to. And memories, will be the best remedy when emotions dominate- the memories I'll carry forever.
And here's to my brother: