Yours truly.

Sometimes, you don't realise
how much you care for someone
until they are gone.

I don't know what to say... I can't really remember how the past two days went. Alright, perhaps I'm just unable to describe what really happened and how I really feel, now and then. But, I'll try. At least for the sweet part.

Adam Khoo had been great. Well to me, the first day was the best. It's not because the workshop got more boring. It was because on Thursday, everything was still normal, as it is. And I was still able to feel and take in things which the trainers were trying to convey to us. However, after Thursday, things changed, overnight. I wasn't able to concentrate on Friday. Yeah it was funny and all. I did enjoy the activities like speed reading and stuff, but I wasn't able to open up. It's like I felt numb. I just wanted to back away, into the shadows, and cry myself to death. But I know I can't. And it is something I won't allow myself to. So I was not able to feel the motivation on Friday. It just sucks when yknw that you're in a motivational workshop and yet you can't feel a thing, cause at that point of time what I needed wasn't motivation. Honestly, I don't even know what it was. At the very last part, when Gary speaked to us about our parents as he brought us through a visual walkthrough, everyone cried. Well at least mostly did. I didn't. Maybe because I succeeded in guarding my emotions. But the thing is, it never happened before. I was never able to control myself (the tears part). Perhaps it was because I couldn't feel anything at the point of time. Cause I didn't want to. I would have flooded the whole Mpr if the "emotional part" happened on Thursday instead of Friday. I didn't want to imagine what will happen if my parents' are gone. I didn't like the feel of losing someone I love. I fear death. And I was in trepidation. I squeezed my ears damn hard at the death and dying part. And even though I could still hear what Gary was talking about, nothing went in. I guess my heart did the job of repelling. But I understand where they were coming from. And I will apply the skills that I've learn during the past three days as much as possible. Anyway, it was kinda the same on Saturday. My mind switched on and off. Charm, Manda and I left early since we all had something on. And since my parents were not coming, I didn't see the need to stay although I know the closing ceremony was extremely important. By the way, I heard that it was stupendous. Adam Khoo really does wonders.

Yupp okay, I shall not mention about what happened. And I just want to thank those who had been there for me for the past two days. They were mainly, Manda, Twinne, Gretel and Toad. I wouldn't have pull it through without you guys. And to Manda, Thanks for the shoulders :) although I know its kinda disjoint now. I'm really really apolegetic for causing so much worry. And here's a big Thank You to those who've comforted me in one way or another. The truth is, I feel really bad to the people who've approached me and asked me what happened. All I could say was, "Nothing" or "I'll be alright". It's not that I want to deceive or anything but I thought it'll be a lot better if I took all this alone. Yupp, I'll be alright. At least, I'll picture myself to be.

Basically, this was how the past two, three days went. I won't be in school tmr though. Ahhhhhhhhh okay, I shall go now. Bubbsy.

Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels.